I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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