i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
