you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize