I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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