I just saw a hot homeless man
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
