you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
