We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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