Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
