we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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