Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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