I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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