marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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