"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
