Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
