Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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