I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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