you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
