I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
