You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
