Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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