As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
