omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
