dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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