Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
