i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
