I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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