I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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