I'm really into asian looking animals
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
