Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Terrible idea I love it
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Someone signed my nipple.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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