I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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