Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
