she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
