But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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