i wish my penis had a tongue
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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