It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
God I need to hump something, right now.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
