I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
