Welp...herpes.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
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She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
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Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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