man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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