Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
