she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
