Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
