RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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