Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
