xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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