I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
