Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
