y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Randomize
