I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
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