she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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