i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize