I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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