Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
