Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
