if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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