i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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