i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
