Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
