Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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