They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
