I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
True college students do jello shots in the library
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
