I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
