I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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