I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
