I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize