Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
