I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
