my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
