Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
