I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
