I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
