A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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