genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
