i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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