If i come over, it means nothing
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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